Spaced Love

A deadly outbreak empties cities, shuts down schools, and forces one frustrated student into isolation. What feels like loss and interruption quietly becomes the most creative season of his life. In this episode, Spaced Love explores why distance, silence, and unfilled moments may be essential to real growth—and asks whether our obsession with constant motion is costing us the very love we’re trying to build.

"Remember, you are loved, so go, love better!"

Transcript

As reports come in that infections are spreading, England—like all developed countries—goes into lockdown. The number of deaths begin to climb alarmingly quickly, hospital beds are filling up, politicians are arguing about the best course of action, and the cause of infection is unknown at the moment.  Because transmission methods are currently unknown, national leadership tells everyone to practice social distancing, avoid contact whenever possible, stay at home, and do not go out. Ships remain in harbor to prevent potential international outbreaks, and the streets of London are eerily empty. Great Britian is officially closed for business. It is a somber time in England, and no one knows exactly how to handle it.

That is especially true in the education system.  All British schools cancel in-person classes and send their students home. The rigor of schoolwork and the camaraderie of fellow students will have to wait until the pandemic ends.  The storied halls of Cambridge are emptied out, just like all the other universities, because plagues don’t care how prestigious your university is or how hard you worked to get into the school of your dreams.

So, 24-year old Isaac Newton bewildered and begrudgingly goes back to his childhood home for a year of solitude instead of academia.  The year isn’t 2020… the year is 1665… and it is the year when Isaac Newton will change the world.

I'm Scott Beyer and this is the Love Better Podcast where we explore the truths and the lies about love and more importantly how to turn love into a skill, something we can get better at and hone along the way.

            In 1665, the bubonic plague struck England again.  The Bubonic plague had devastated Europe in the 14th century, and now, it was back.  In the 1300’s the Bubonic plague was referred to as “black death” and it had a fatality rate of at least 1 in 3.  Today, with the introduction of modern medicine there is an average of seven reported cases of the bubonic plague per year in the U.S.  In the last twenty-five years, a total of 15 Americans have died from the plague.  In contrast, during the years of the Black Death, the overall death toll in Europe alone exceeded 50 million. We cannot even begin to fathom the terror that the words, “bubonic plague outbreak” struck in the hearts of an English citizen of 1665.

            Isaac Newton had worked very hard to earn his spot at Cambridge.  In the village schools growing up he was described as a quiet and awkward student, and when he entered grammar school at Grantham, he reportedly began near the bottom of his class.  In Isaac’s own writing he describes the moment that everything changed was when he got into a fight with another child, kicked him in the belly, and “not content with this bodily victory” could not rest until I got above him in school.  Though a humorous story, it was all for the best because young Isaac Newton was a horrible farmer and his pursuit of academic excellence, no matter how dubious the motivation, was his best hope of a decent life.

            So, when Cambridge shuttered its doors due to the bubonic pandemic, Isaac Newton was forced back into that solitary world of the shy and awkward student he had once been back in the village schools.  And for that, we should all be extremely grateful because as horrible as a pandemic was for the British, for Isaac Newton it was the beginning of greatness.

            Annus mirabilis is Latin for ‘the year of wonders’, and that is what historians call the year of 1665 to 1666 for Sir Isaac Newton.  That year of quarantine created a restrictive environment that forced him out of the hustle and bustle of city life and made space for him to think, reflect, and discover.  In that one year, Isaac Newton discovered binomial theorem which is a basic tenet of modern algebra, differential and integral calculus, formulated a universal law of gravity, and developed a theory of color… amongst other things.

Newton biographer James Gleick wrote: “The plague year was his transfiguration. Solitary and almost incommunicado, he became the world’s paramount mathematician.”. In his own words, Newton said of his quarantined year away from city and university existence: ‘For in those days I was in the prime of my age for invention & minded Mathematics & Philosophy more than at any time since.’”

What if the times that matter aren’t the exciting times?  What if the  important seasons aren’t the ones full of furious activity and relentless pursuit?  What if your most effective life is the one that has time and space for the important things to flourish? And what if I told you that all along God has commanded you to pray for that kind of slower-paced life with gaps for growth?  I provide as evidence, exhibit A, the writings of 1st Timothy chapter two, verses 1-4:

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

Why does God want you to lead a peaceful and quiet life?  Because that is the life where godliness can grow and because in the garden of a tranquil life there is room in the soil for souls to be saved and truth to grow.  When we don’t have gaps, we don’t have time for the people who need saving and our busy minds are too clogged with distraction to be filled with eternal truth.

If you’ve listened to this podcast at all, you are aware of our premise: love is a skill, All skills are created through consistency.  Those who believe love is built in the highs and lows of life, the great tragedies or the exceptional successes, are wrong.  Our character is often exposed in the mountains and valleys of life, but love is forged in the spaces in between.  What do we do with the gaps?

Do you scroll on your phone or make eye contact with your infant?  Do you eat meals with your family or shovel food in your mouth as you work late?  Are we so busy carting our children from one activity to the next that we lose connection on the way to soccer practice? Has our fear of missing out become so strong that we are missing out on the tranquility and peace of less?  It isn’t just about materialism and consumption, it is about the worship of more – more work, more busy, more hustle and bustle, more variety, and that means frenetic motion is the norm… because if you don’t stop, you don’t have to think about what is missing.  We’ve become speedboats skimming over the surface of our own lives and because of it, we are missing the depth that only comes from standing still.

So, what’s the solution? 

Making gaps to learn to love what matters

Making space to meditate on them and learn who people you love are

Making room for immersion in Scripture and devotion to prayer.

Because if you want to saturate yourself in something doing that properly takes space and time.

            Let me prove to you how much space matters by using an event from the book of Genesis.  In Genesis chapter 32, Jacob returns to the land of his upbringing after decades away.  When Jacob left those many years ago, it was in fear of his brother, Esau.  The two men had constantly competed throughout their childhood and when Jacob tricked Esau into giving him the firstborn son’s inheritance and then also stole Esau’s blessing from their father, Isaac.  Jacob fled Esau’s wrath because he knew that whenever Isaac died, without their father to stand between them, Esau would kill him.

            So, when the time came for Jacob to see his brother again, he made a plan.  He would send his servants with presents ahead of him before he and Esau met face-to-face.

            In his own words, here is Jacob’s plan:

So he stayed there that night, and from what he had with him he took a present for his brother Esau, two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, thirty milking camels and their calves, forty cows and ten bulls, twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys. These he handed over to his servants, every drove by itself, and said to his servants, "Pass on ahead of me and put a space between drove and drove." (Genesis 32:13-16)

            Here is my question – why does Jacob put space between the droves?  Why doesn’t he just send the present as one single lump to Esau?  Why split the gift into smaller flocks and herds and place space between them?

            You know why.  Common sense tells us why!  Space between the gifts gave his brother time to appreciate them more, and hopefully, diminish his wrath.  Because space can increase gratitude and decrease anger.  This is why the advice to walk away and let your temper cool before speaking is such good advice.  The situation won’t change much in ten minutes, but if you give it 600 seconds of space, chances are your disposition will.

            There is a reason one of the most often quoted inspirational passages of the Bible is Psalm 46:10 which succinctly states, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

            We have a hard time remaining still.  We struggle with doing nothing.  I’m pretty sure that in today’s culture, most of us are downright scared of silence.  We don’t know how to be bored.  When was the last time you waited in line and that’s all you did.  No phone, no multi-tasking, just waited in line.  We fill all these micro-gaps of time with activity instead of stillness, and because of that, we are missing out.

            Because the spaces are where the magic happens.  It is the quiet of the car rides when your child opens up about what they are struggling with in school or the people in their life they are excited about.  It’s in the gaps of time where we aren’t doing anything that I notice and remember how lovely my wife is.  It’s in the slowdowns when we look out the window and see the sun streaming down or notice the beauty of the clouds floating lazily in the sky.  In short, you notice things because you aren’t doing things.  Space allows for observation and observation allows for appreciation.

            Consider the Psalms, so many of the Psalms are observational.  Psalm 23 describes the way of a good shepherd with his sheep as a parallel to God’s relationship with us lowly humans.  Psalm 19 reflects on the circuit of the sun as a reminder of God’s consistency and sovereign power. Psalm 119 is an entire psalm that meditates on the beauty of God’s law, observing the value of Scripture from every angle like a jeweler marveling over each facet of a diamond.

            Beautiful observation like what you see in the psalms doesn’t happen without time to meditate.  And that is exactly what Philippians 4:8 means when it says, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

            We cannot really, deeply appreciate and love without pondering.  There is a synonym for the word ponder – it is ruminate.  When we meditate and think deeply about a thing we are ruminating… and as an animal lover, that paints a vivid image because ruminants are animals like cows, llamas, goats, sheep, and the like.  They are animals that chew-the-cud… and if you have ever watched a ruminant chew the cud, you know something… they aren’t in a hurry.

            A cow munching on grass in the middle of an open field is one of the most boring things to watch in the world.  It is right up there with watching paint dry and grass grow.  Cows are never in a hurry.  They chew the grass, swallow it, then regurgitate it, chew the partially digested cud, and then swallow it again.  This process maximizes nutrient extraction.  It allows the animal to get every little bit of nutrition and caloric value from the meal, but that sort of maximization of nutrition comes at a cost, and that cost is time.

            If you want to meditate on the Word of God, you will need to slow down.  Underline verses, look up words, maybe get a study buddy to discuss it with… and maybe all three!  Maximum nutrient extraction from the Bread of Life.

            If you want to build strong relationships with your spouse, your kids, your friends or if you want to cultivate empathy for others, you will need to make space for it.  Space to talk, to ask questions, space to understand, space to reduce digital living and remember you live in an analog world.

            If you want to be grateful for the beauty of creation, you may just have to find time to take a walk in the woods or a few minutes to bask in the warmth of the sun.  Maybe, just maybe, you will have to make some space to smell the roses.  Many of us buy homes with yards, plants, and flowers, and don’t even know what those plants smell like or what their names are… if that’s you, then perhaps your desire to have more has led you to appreciating less.

            After all, if Isaac Newton invented calculus when he slowed down, and David wrote beautiful psalms when he found time in the field to ponder, and Jacob reconciled with Esau by creating some space to foster gratitude… the question for you and I is… what would we create if we found some space in our lives?  What if we are letting the urgent get in the way of the important?

            Anyways, just something to chew on.

            Learn to love better – learn to make space.

As always, thank you for listening and hopefully we've done something to help make your life a little bit better.

If you are looking for other resources, you can visit my website BibleGrad.com where you can find tools for Bible study and video lessons to help you understand the Bible.  If you are interested, you can sign up for a video series challenge through the website called the #HopeDoes challenge.  Two short videos each week and a chance to grow in your hope by doing hopeful things.  Just go to BibleGrad.com, scroll down and enter your email to get started.

Or maybe you have a fun or obscure history account, a feel-good news story, or a riveting scientific fact you think could help us love better.  If so, I’d love to hear it!  Feel free to email me at scott@biblegrad.com 

And if you are ever in the Louisville, KY area, I’d like to invite you to come worship with me and my family at the Eastland congregation.  We meet for worship every Sunday and have Bible classes for all ages on Wednesdays, too.  If you want more information about Eastland, visit us at eastlandchristians.org.  We would love to worship God with you and help you on your walk of faith.

And as always, until next time, “Remember, you are loved, so go… love better.”