The UnLovables: The Betrayer

            This episode is the last of a series of episodes entitled The Unlovables—a candid look at the people who are hard to love and why, and how the Bible teaches us not just to tolerate them… but to truly love better.

            And today, we look at the seemingly uncrossable waters of betrayal.  

 How can we love those who have betrayed us. 

Link to video Brandt Jean's courtroom forgiveness: https://youtu.be/NkoE_GQsbNA?si=v_XhX1YXE2WU6cPH 

"Remember, you are loved, so go, love better!"

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Transcript

Pierre Landy was the French Ambassador to South Korea in the 1970’s, but it isn’t his diplomatic skills that he is remembered for.  As a student of history and geography, Pierre became interested in a phenomenon in South Korea that was known to the locals, but had never gained any international notoriety.  So, while traveling the country, he asked to see what was referred to by locals as ‘the Jindo miracle’

Jindo island is the third largest island in South Korea.  A mile and a half away across the Yellow Sea lies another island – Modo Island.  These two islands, along with dozens of other smaller (mostly uninhabited) islands make up the Southwestern Korean archipelago.  Both Jindo and Modo are inhabited and have been for quite some time… and what ambassador Landy went to see was tidal phenomenon called the Jindo Sea Road.

At least twice a year, during the months of March, April, May, and June, the tidal harmonics are just right to part the waters between Jindo and Modo Island creating a road that tourists and locals alike can travel upon.  It has been happening for centuries, but ambassador Landy turned a local attraction into an international one when he brought word of the event back home to France with him.

Though clearly different than the parting of the Red Sea with walls of water guarding the Israelites on either side only to crash down upon the Egyptian army, the Jindo Sea Road event certainly reminded Pierre of Moses’ exodus.  He wrote back to the French people of the Moses miracle of South Korea, and now tourists from all over the globe flock each year to walk the Sea Road between Modo and Jindo.  To cross the uncrossable on dry land.

            I’m Scott Beyer, and this is the Love Better podcast—where we explore the truths and lies about love, and more importantly, how to turn love into a skill—something we can get better at and hone along the way.

            This episode is the last of a series of episodes entitled The Unlovables—a candid look at the people who are hard to love and why, and how the Bible teaches us not just to tolerate them… but to truly love better.

            And today, we look at the seemingly uncrossable waters of betrayal.  

 How can we love those who have betrayed us.  Betrayal is violating.  It involves active deception and treachery from those we have the deepest attachments to.    Children betrayed by a parent or close relative either through abandonment or abuse, spouses betrayed by marital infidelity, or abuse at the hands of religious leadership you felt you could trust or the hypocrisy of fellow Christians you expected more out of.  From gossip, slander, neglect, hypocrisy, infidelity, or abandonment in times of need – betrayal is arguably a grief worse than death because it involves loss of relationship, but also loss of trust.

Understandably, betrayal, and the trauma associated with it can turn us into an island.  When those closest to us hurt us so deeply, we may choose isolation – not just from them, but from others, too because who in their right mind would ever subject themselves to that sort of pain, violation, and humiliation ever again?  The answer is Jesus.  Jesus wouldn’t become an island.  Instead, Jesus made a path back to us after betrayal.

            The Jindo Sea Road is a natural phenomenon, a few times a year the unique topography of the area, combined with a section of land a mile and a half long and 45 yards wide between Jindo and Modo islands, and the low tides caused by the lunar cycle cause the water to recede and expose a path that was always there below the water line.  Time and the proper conditions reveal the Sea Road for those waiting to cross.

            Jesus’ reaction to betrayal is a reminder that there is a road to reconciliation and restoration after betrayal.  When you think about Jesus being betrayed… who do you think of?  I think of Judas.  But then I remember it wasn’t just Judas that betrayed Jesus – Peter did, too.  In fact, in His hour of need, all the disciples abandoned Him.  In Jesus’ own words:

Then Jesus said to them, "You will all fall away because of me this night. For it is written, 'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.' (Matthew 26:31)

            In His hour of need, Jesus was left alone.  Peter, James, and John slept while Jesus prayed in Gethsemane even after he asked them repeatedly to stay awake and pray for Him.  They all headed for the hills when the mob grabbed him, and when their loyalty was tested – Peter denied Jesus three times.  When you consider how much time, effort, and love Jesus had invested in these men – it is hard to fathom the pain their betrayal inflicted.  They left Jesus alone and for some of them, they actively denied and delivered Him to His enemies.  And here is the first lesson for how to love better when betrayed and left alone.

Remember you aren’t alone.  Yes, the sheep scattered, and Jesus’ enemies surrounded Him.  Yes, Peter, James, and John fell asleep instead of praying for Jesus.  Yes, Judas betrayed Him with a kiss, but what does Jesus say about the subject?  I quote Jesus’ own words in John 16:32:

Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. (John 16:32)

Betrayal breeds distrust.  It is natural and human to feel alone and abandoned when someone has betrayed us – the closer the relationship, the deeper the pain… it creates the island effect – it’s just me, I can’t trust anyone, ever… but that’s a lie.  As long as you have God, you aren’t alone.  God can neither lie, nor sin, and He will never despise or forsake you.  Though all have left, He won’t.  If betrayal is about the destruction of trust – God’s very character is the definition of trustworthy.  Reiterated over and over again in Scripture is the phrase, “God is faithful”

Don’t let the unfaithfulness of others destroy your connection to your Father.  At the root of our love for anyone, including those who have betrayed us, is a belief that God will never betray us and that His love, His faithfulness, His character is unwavering.

When we are betrayed, it is time to take a long meditative look at Romans 8:28-31

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:28-31)

When betrayal turns you into an island – the first place to look for hope is UP.  You are never truly alone when God is with you.  This is the constant message of Scripture.

·      Joseph’s brother’s betray him… but God is faithful

·      David is betrayed by his son Absalom and his most trusted counselor Ahithophel… but God is faithful

·      Paul is abandoned by Demas… but God is faithful

·      Laban deceives Jacob… but God is faithful

·      Ananias and Sapphira lie to God and the church… but God is faithful

·      Diotrephes betrays the church for power… but God is faithful

·      The crowd chooses Barabbas over Jesus… but God is faithful

There is a positive to betrayal – it brings us back to God because He is trustworthy.  Those who have been betrayed and abandoned by this world were the first to seek out Jesus and find comfort in His presence.

And once we have found ourselves grounded in Jesus – it turns out that we can love even better – we can learn to forgive those who have betrayed us.

I’m constantly amazed by the grace and forgiveness I see in Christians.  There is a news clip from five years ago of a young man named Brandt Jean offering forgiveness and hugging – HUGGING – the woman that killed his brother after she was sentenced to prison for his murder.  Why? Because Brandt is a Christian.  I’ll link the clip in the show notes in case you want to watch it with your own eyes. (https://youtu.be/NkoE_GQsbNA?si=v_XhX1YXE2WU6cPH)

I’ve seen wives forgive their adulterous husbands.  Parents embrace and reunite with their children after years of estrangement.  I’ve seen Christians that worked in law enforcement worship in the same pew as former gang members who once stood on opposite sides of riots.  Forgiveness is messy, hard, and reconciliation is even harder, but I see it happen all the time with Christians because when you trust Jesus, you also follow Him and what does He say,

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. (Luke 6:35)

Forgiveness and love become an aspect of discipleship.

It is worth noting at this point that not all forgiveness leads to reconciliation.  As Jesus hung upon the cross, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”… but not everyone who was involved in crucifying Jesus eventually obeyed the gospel and were reconciled to God.

Similarly, Stephen, as he was being stoned to, prayed, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60). Stephen releasing himself from all bitterness, forgave his murderers. Were all of those people reconciled to God (and by extension Stephen, too)? No… but one young man named Saul was there holding the coats of those who stoned Stephen definitely reaped the benefit of that forgiveness.  He eventually was reconciled to Christ, obeying the gospel and going on to become one of the greatest evangelists of all time – you know him as the apostle Paul.

When we ground our lives in Jesus’ love and faithfulness, we realize that being betrayed doesn’t need to decide who we are.  We don’t have to become bitter, return evil for evil, or live our lives guarded and distrustful because of others treachery.  Their betrayal doesn’t need to define our lives.

Instead, when we learn to forgive, we reflect the attitude and character of our Lord who “ is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)

We are choosing to not be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin nor the deceitfulness of sinners.  Just because others walk in darkness does not mean you have to let that darkness engulf you, too.

In John’s first letter, he reminds us that love is not necessarily reciprocal.  1 John 4:10 says,

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. (1 John 4:10 ESV)

Jesus is Savior of the world, but that doesn’t mean all the world wants to be saved.  His love didn’t wait for us to reciprocate – His love acted independently out of His character.

When we are betrayed, the desire to act reciprocally through things like vengeance or isolation is SO SO STRONG… but ask yourself, do you want your soul to be shaped by the villainy of traitors or the unrelenting love of God?

Will you ever be reconciled to those who have betrayed you?  I don’t know… but if it doesn’t happen, make sure it isn’t your fault.

After all, how was it that Jesus teaches us to pray?

Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. (Matthew 6:11-13)

Betrayal tempts us to become an unapproachable island… God teaches us to trust Him and open a road for reconciliation.

Learn to love better.  Learn to love your enemies and forgive those who betray you.

As always, thank you for listening and hopefully we've done something to help make your life a little bit better.  If you have a chance to rate, review or share the podcast it would be a blessing.  By sharing with others or leaving a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify, you help us reach more people.

You can also visit my website BibleGrad.com where you can find resources for Bible study and video lessons to help you understand the Bible.  If you are interested, you can sign up for a video series challenge through the website called the #HopeDoes challenge.  Two short videos each week and a chance to grow in your hope by doing hopeful things.  Just go to BibleGrad.com, scroll down and enter your email to get started.

Or maybe you have a fun or obscure history account, a feel-good news story, or a riveting scientific fact you think could help us love better.  If so, I’d love to hear it!  Feel free to email me at scott@biblegrad.com 

And if you are ever in the Louisville, KY area, I’d like to invite you to come worship with me and my family at the Eastland congregation.  We meet for worship every Sunday and have Bible classes for all ages on Wednesdays, too.  If you want more information about Eastland, visit us at eastlandchristians.org.  We would love to worship God with you and help you on your walk of faith.

And as always, until next time, “Remember, you are loved, so go… love better.”