Raising Men: A conversation with Rene Anderson

This week on the Love Better podcast we are talking about boys becoming good men.  This is a conversation with my good friend, Rene Anderson, Christian, author, and "dorm dad" for the Florida College men's dormitory. Rene is an excellent source of wisdom and experience with what it means to mature well and help other men do the same.

We talk about giving masculinity, male friendships, the struggles of singlehood and romance in the transitional twenties, and how to be an influence.  Rene is a jokester and a good man.  I think you will enjoy it.

"Remember, you are loved, so go, love better!"

New episodes drop on Tuesdays.

Transcript

Raising Men - A conversation with Rene Anderson

Scott Beyer:

I’m Scott Beyer and this is the Love Better podcast where we explore the truths and lies about love and more importantly how to turn love into a skill – something we can get better at and hone.

One of my goals with this podcast is to introduce an audience I love to people I love.  I’d like you to meet Rene Anderson.  Rene and his wife Dee are the dorm parents for a private four-year school in Temple Terrace, FL named Florida College.  More specifically, they are the dorm parents for the boys’ dorm.  If you can envision the testosterone, chaos, and overall tomfoolery involved in supervising a couple hundred young men who have struck out on their own for the first time – you can understand when I say Rene is a special sort of man to wrangle that motley crew.  Rene has a unique skill set – guiding and influencing the next generation of men at a critical juncture of their lives.

Rene is 75 years old, but that is the least useful descriptor of him because his age deceptively hides a strength and mischievous demeanor that these young men gravitate towards.  Rene and I have known each other for about ten years, and being friends with Rene has been one of the highlights of my life.  Rene is what you get when you combine an immovable object with a sense of humor.  Rene is short, stocky, and made out of tempered iron.  He wrestles with the college boys, frequently wins, and then kindly handles their egos with a father’s touch.  He speaks with plain candor about difficult topics – the kind of topics involved in the lives and maturing of men in their transitional twenties and he has a way of pointing out stupidity without making you feel the fool.

Rene and I sat in the backroom of his home within the dormitories and discussed influencing college-age men, the troubles that come with youth and masculinity, and his experience with what love looks like in the camaraderie of manhood.  Some of the subject matter is more sensitive because Rene doesn’t shy away from talking about the dangers and realities of youthful lust.  Nothing is off color, just plainly stated… but if you are a parent listening with your children, full disclosure we do eventually discuss some more mature topics.

Full disclosure aside… I love Rene, and he makes me better for time with him.  I think he will do the same for you.

Rene Anderson: I've been the most blessed person in the world because I used to go to work every day, and as I'd walk in the door, I'd say, God, surely there's something better for me to do than this, cuz I hate it.

all 24 years of being there. I absolutely hated going in. It was, the people were nice, it was a decent job. It was just boring. There was no interest there. I just went and my mind would go somewhere else and I'd go home. And then when they asked us to come here we just got a call. We'd never even.

Thought or considered it. And they asked if we'd be interested in coming out here that one of the dorm parents were leaving. And when we got here, it was the dorm parent for the girls were leaving. And we said, no, I don't think so. I have a little bit of a sarcastic personality and they'd probably be in tears.

They asked the people that were over the boys if they'd be willing to move to the girls. And they did. And we took over the boys. And here we are 28 years later. We've been here 28 years. Wow. Wow. And coming on the day when we'll have to leave and dreading it. It'll be the saddest day of my life when we have to go.

A 

Scott Beyer: lot of, a lot of guys would've said during that season when you were working just, the normal job. . Why didn't you quit? Why didn't you just, you're not doing what you fulfills 

Rene Anderson: you. Why didn't you quit? I had a family and they like to eat and have a place to live.

And it paid decent job and it wasn't a horrible job. It was just boring. It was not fulfilling in any way whatsoever. And I just thought that's the way life was. You went to school and you got out and you got a job and you worked for 40, 50 years, and then you're retired, and. just was helping and praying that wouldn't happen to me, but it, and it didn't.

Thankfully I got out of it. But I also think that, 

Scott Beyer: that part of you that said, look, I don't like the job, but I'm just gonna work it because I've got responsibilities. I think that's part of what I see you bring to the table with these guys, cuz sometimes. sometimes. 

Rene Anderson: That's part of being a man, right?

Yeah. You just, not everybody gets to have the fun job, I'm just lucky I have the last half of my life. The first half, it wasn't, when I told Jason Longstreth was the dean for a while, and I told him that story about, and he said, you know what? , you must have had a really crummy job. If it's better than the one you had

I said it was. I said it was boring. And this is in no way whatsoever. Boring. It's something different every day when you think you've heard it all. Something new comes up every time, 

Scott Beyer: So what is it that is so lovable about taking care of a bunch of rowdy guys? 

Rene Anderson: It's just neat to see their first time away from home.

And they're nervous and they're scared and some of them are full of themselves and they think they have all the answers when they don't even know the questions yet. Pretty much. And it's just a joy to see how they grow up and how they get more more mature and they change over the four years they're here.

It's a unbelievable change. It's just completely. 

Scott Beyer: So what does that look like? They come in, as you said, scared or 

Rene Anderson: arrogant or whatever. Yeah. All of those things. and all the above. And now on this, in this dorm, the fourth floor is all juniors and seniors because by the time you've been here a couple of years, you've all.

Been through all the stupid things and all the pranks that you have to be a junior or senior to live on fourth floor and you get a room by yourself. Cause it's fun to have all the four of you in a suite and to play all the games and stuff. But after a while, when you start getting the more serious classes and you have to start buckling down and probably having a job and going to school that you need your time and space and you all that stuff.

appeal to you too much anymore. 

Scott Beyer: So that's part of what happens. They become 

Rene Anderson: more responsible and yeah, they realize that it's not gonna be all fun and games. But the first year and even second year pretty much is a lot of. All fun. And then when the grades come out, the first midterm, it's a wake up call.

Things change right after the first midterm grades come out. They think, oh, I have to actually study here. And I even had one of the boys to, this would be a great place if it wasn't for the classes 

Scott Beyer: there's a lot of talk. I'm sure you hear it as much as I do about the next generation, and they talk about 'em being soft or it's all falling apart or the whole world's getting worse. You're on the front lines of seeing the next generations. Are you optimistic or pessimistic when you 

Rene Anderson: look at them?

If you look at the news, you're gonna be pretty pessimistic, I think, because, but when you're. Real people, real kids that are trying to have some real values in your life. I think it's very optimistic and you never know which ones are gonna turn out that way. Last night we had a boy come that was, he had an attitude and he had a little bit of trouble, but we got to know him and he was on the basketball team.

And they couldn't go home for Thanksgiving. So they went out to our daughter's house. We had four or five of 'em. Everybody took a few of them home and he had an attitude about the whole thing. He married a girl that we just found out last night that was probably one of the sweetest godliest girls that ever went here.

And when I saw him, I thought, oh, my poor girl. What'd she get into? And she. He is actually taking part in all the services now. He even preaches part-time and he said, I was just stupid and it took me a while to grow up. But then on the other hand, we were talking about a few other kids that were here and the ones that were very spiritual minded and you thought would turn out right, have gone completely.

To a complete dark side. Not just, not faithful, but just to completely being against God even. And that's sad. You see both stories, but I think there's more of the other that turned around and see the value of it and things. There was a boy here a few years ago and he wasn't from a Christian home or anything, and he just didn't understand.

Anything about this. He didn't get it. And he actually came back about a year later and said, I think maybe I did get something from there. He said, I think I really did learn some values and stuff, and he was actually a sheriff, a highway patrol guy now. So there, there's always success stories.

Do 

Scott Beyer: you, do you feel like you're getting to a point with the amount of years you've been doing it? Can you guess which ones will turn one way or the other? 

Rene Anderson: Not really. because some that I have thought would be the real leaders in the church have completely fallen away, and some that I thought would never darken the door of a, of a church building again, are some of the leaders now.

So it, it just depends on where their heart is. You can't always see it. There was one boy that was here a few years ago that I was very close to. We used to go to the gym together all the time, and he was one of the spiritual leaders on campus, and they told me that he's a Satan worshiper now.

He doesn't just lost his faith, he just completely turned the other direction, and I would've thought he was. would've been a rock and didn't turn out that way. 

Scott Beyer: If those were all the stories you heard, you, 

Rene Anderson: you would've quit years ago. Yes. No, there's many more good stories.

 And we've been here so long now. We have quite a few kids of kids that we had, there's four or five boys here this year that we had their dads in the dorm or in summer camp or something like that. And. It's just good to see that they're coming back around and they're instilling in them the same values that they had.

And it's, that's just real rewarding when you see one of these guys that you had come in with a freshman and he's nervous and scared and he comes in and you see him go through the same things, that his dad did and everything. It's we haven't had any grandchildren then come back in yet , but we've had quite a.

Children of kids that we had in the dorm.

Scott Beyer: I remember the first time I met you we were at a church building over at university, and I was talking to you and we were just meeting for the first time and a student walked up to.

and you just hauled off and slugged him in the arm. And then the next thing I know the kid's in the headlock and that's just a very common thing like I've learned now I, that was shocked the first time, , but I now know that's a common thing that you are physically interacting with these guys all the time and they love it.

Like they will come, I will see them hunt you down to be wrestle with my own kids will do it. 

Rene Anderson: Why is that? I really couldn't tell you cause most of them are a lot bigger than I am or some, there's one boy here that I used to wrestle with his dad when he was here. And this kid looks like one of these guys in a magazine.

He's just huge. And I grabbed him and he backed away and his dad just said, if you hurt this man, you answer to me . And he's scared to death of me now because his dad's twice as big as he is and his dad will take. But it's, I don't, I think it might be, guys can't always be huggy and gushi gooey all the time.

And I think it's a way of maybe male bonding or something like that, I don't know. And they seem to enjoy it. And when we go downstairs and have a wrestle match and they always say there's no way I can win because if you win, I lose to a 75 year old man. And if I win, I beat a 75 year old man, so I look like an idiot.

And. So there's no way for them to come out ahead. And I kinda like it that way. . 

Scott Beyer: I tend to agree with you. It's like men are not as huggy as women are, but love looks more like headlocks. Yeah. 

Rene Anderson: Right. , they, the girls have a a secret Santa thing they do at Christmas time where they give each other presents in their mailbox a different one every day.

And then in the end, and she, they said, we should do that with the boys and I. Yeah. Do you know what would be in their mailbox? There would be dead rats and dog excrement and guys are not gonna give each other cute little things. And if they do, I'm gonna have a talk with them because they don't need to be doing that, but that's just the way guys are. They're different. Yeah. Hardwired different. Yeah. Very different. 

Scott Beyer: What advice would you give parents raising boys to make amend? 

Rene Anderson: I think. We maybe need to do a better job of picking our battles that we fight with them about. Sometimes we make up rules that really aren't particularly important.

We had a couple of boys here a few years ago, and. They didn't come in till two o'clock in the morning and our curfew was midnight. And I asked where they were and they said they went to a movie and then they went to get something to eat and the projector broke and I said you have to be here at 12 o'clock.

That's what our curfew is. And he says, I'm a grown man. I'll come in whenever I want to. And I said, not, and be a student here, you won't. I said, if you do as I was going up to tell the dean the next. One of the ladies door mothers for the girls, she was walking up and she said, I had two girls come in at two o'clock this morning.

And I said, what a coincidence. I had two boys come in at two o'clock and so they went up to talk to the dean and when he talked to him, he found out it was Friday the 13th and you can get a $13 tattoo on Friday night. And there was a long line and they all wanted to get tattoo. . So I asked him, I said, why?

Why did you lie and go, why didn't you just tell me the. and he said, cause I thought you'd tell me I was going to hell cause I got a tattoo. And I said, no, you go to hell for lying. You don't, getting a tattoo is stupid but you don't go to hell for it. But when you lie, you are in danger of that. And he said, okay.

I said some things that we are so fussy about, even air length sometimes or things are not necessarily important, but we need to know what is and. Firm on those things and not worry about some of the others. What 

Scott Beyer: are the things that you're looking for to see in 

Rene Anderson: the guys morals especially with girls?

Nowadays there's just so much sensuality and stuff thrown in your face, and guys have even come in this year, our whole group come in and ask, what's too far? What is it they don't seem to know what the guidelines are sometimes, and you have to give 'em some and explain things to 'em because they don't understand that what things mean.

And I don't know how graphic you get on, but they said, is oral sex having sex? And I said what do you call it? And they said, oral sex. And I said then I would say that it is, and how far can you go on things? And you have to. get fairly graphic sometimes and just tell 'em that if your mind is going places where it shouldn't, then you shouldn't be doing that.

That's when it's time to stop. And those are the hard decisions cuz it's always right in your face all the time. It's on TV and everything they watch it's okay. Nobody thinks anything about any kind of sex or anything like that, but there are some here that are still. It just makes you feel good when you hear that they still are holding themselves pure until they get married and things like that.

Cuz it's rare this day, I think. Sad but 

Scott Beyer: true. Yeah. Yeah. 

Do you remember all the guys that you've had in the dorms? You've had hundreds at this point. Yeah. 

Rene Anderson: Do you remember them all? I remember most, I don't always remember their names. And of course there's some that. are very special.

You've gone through things. Maybe they had something happen in their life, the death of a parent or something and you went through that with them, or something like that you get closer to. And there's some that every time I see it just makes me feel good inside. There's some that you might not have the same personality bond that they do, and they might bond with somebody else better than they do with you, but there's always some that you're just extremely close to and you'll.

Ever changed the way that, you feel about them? There's one boy here that we knew before he came, but he's a whole lot younger than I am, and he's, I would still consider him one of my very best friends. I was actually in his wedding and when we're together, it's like we've never been apart.

He's still just very close. And he'll have a daughter here next year, which I'm really looking forward to. And . So it's, he's quite a bit younger, but he's still, I still consider him a best friend. 

Scott Beyer: You wrote a book? Yes. Was it about a year ago? Yeah, about, it was during Covid. During Covid, probably about two years ago.

Two years ago? Yeah. Okay. Tell me, 

Rene Anderson: tell me the name of the book. I always said I'd like to write a book. Sometimes when Covid came and there was nothing else to. I thought this is the time to do it. And I just started writing stories. And when I thought, what's the name? One morning I walked in the house and when I picked up the phone, it was the lady that's in charge of maintenance.

And she said, do you know that they're raising chickens on the fourth floor? And I said, no, I didn't know that. And she says, go to room, whichever one it was. And I walk in and there's about five or six grown chickens just running around the room. And the same boys had asked, A little while before, several months before if they said, we wanna show you something cuz we know you'll find it over spring break.

I went in and they had a hydroponic garden in one of the rooms. They'd gotten in and they had the lights and they had all the chemicals and all the stuff. And they were growing tomatoes and peppers and they had bed springs with cucumber vines growing up and all that stuff. And. They said, do we have to get, I said, actually, that's neat and it's clean as long as it's cleaned up when you leave, that'll be fine.

And so I went to those same guys and I said do you know anything about the chick? He said, will you approve the garden? I said there is a little bit of difference between chickens and tomatoes. I said, I think it's even illegal in the city of Temple Terrace to raise chickens in the city limits or something.

Plus it's nasty. And I said, the chickens have to. Go today. And I think they gave 'em to somebody that goes to church with us and they still have 'em or getting eggs from them still to this day, I think. And it's just things like that in the book is just different stories about things that guys have done and things that have happened in the dorm.

Just different different what pranks they've pulled on each other, different things they've said or done. And it's just a kind. Collection of short stories about all that, and I just sat down during Covid and wrote it. Just different stories of things that happened and I didn't put any names. Of anybody. I was gonna send out a letter and say, I'm writing a book and I'm gonna tell this story. If you want it left out, send money.

And I thought then I won't have to write the book. I just have make a fortune off of it. But I didn't put any names in. But everybody comes back and said, I remember that was me here. People that were here at that time, remember? The 

Scott Beyer: stories. Yeah. My son-in-law's in there, not named, but he's

He's in there and he points to it as a badge of honor. By the way, , 

Rene Anderson: All of them consider it that the pranks that they're pulling, they hear their fathers talk about stuff they pulled when they're here. I have to pull something bigger than that, and I have a grandson here now and.

There's been a couple, the kids ask him when he came, he said, if they're your grandparents, does that mean you get away with anything you want or you can't get away with anything? And he just grinned and said, I'm not sure, but I'm gonna find out . And he has, he's he's pulled his share up stuff and I, one time he he put a toilet on top of the little student center of the pouch over here at night.

And . Somebody told me that there was somebody up, that he was upstairs throwing up and I wondered what was going. And so I went to Seema said, are your right? He said, yeah, I just got sick and I threw up. So I came back downstairs and Dee said, somebody says there's a toilet seat sitting on the roof of the student center over there, the pouch.

So I went back up and because I noticed him looking out the window the whole time, I was talking to him and I said, did you put it up there? Yes sir. And he said, when we were lifting it up, two guys were on top. And I was push. And we didn't empty all the water out of it and it just came down all over me.

And he had, he's a very much a germ freak. He got sick. He said he started throwing up cause the water had gone with him and stuff. And I said I always have a rule. I said, if in the morning no one's mad, nothing got broken and there's not a mess, nobody needs to know about it. Cuz he wanted to leave it up there all night.

And I said, leave it up there all night. And they asked me how it got there. I'm gonna tell him you did it. So they took it down and got rid of it that night. That 

Scott Beyer: sound like he pranked himself more than anything else. . 

Rene Anderson: I said, you got what you deserve, yeah. And that happens lots of times. What is 

Scott Beyer: the most common problem you find yourself correcting?

Rene Anderson: I don't know about correcting, but probably the most. common problem you have. I always say if I see one of the boys out there crying, and it's not football season, it has to be a girl. And there's all kind of issues with girls. We have this many boys living this close to this many girls and the relationships grow extremely quick and you find people really quick and sometimes they fall apart really quick too.

And that's one of the hardest things is try and talk to 'em. The relationships like that that they have and how sometimes they maybe need to take it slow, which I can't really say anything. Dee was the first girl I met on campus and I asked her out the second night, and at the end of the next year we got married.

It's been very short for all of us, and my daughter did the same thing. And so my granddaughter, and my parents only knew each other two weeks when they got married. So I say there's no. real formula that you can say, this is how it'll work out. Cuz I know people that date three and four years and they end up divorced in a couple years.

I said, it's the commitment you make and the choice that you make about what their values are. And are they gonna be someone that's gonna help you get to heaven or not? Yeah. 

Scott Beyer: So yeah. How do you coach them through that? When there's the breakup? 

Rene Anderson: Yeah. When they're crying, you just give them a shoulder to cry on and you tell 'em, , maybe things will work out.

And I said, you never know. Sometime I said, I'm not a country music fan, but there's that song, unanswered Prayer. And I said, I believe a hundred percent. In that you pray and you think this is the right thing. Sometimes God knows it's not, and you have to wait until the right one comes along or whatever is meant to happen to you.

How 

Scott Beyer: do you, with the ones that come in that don't have. . It's much confidence. So you've got some that come in. Yes. Overly confident. Typically, I'm guessing life handles them. . Yes. yes. What about the ones on the other side where they don't have a lot of that confidence? It's not quite failure to launch, but that struggle to become their own person. Yeah. What do you do with that? 

Rene Anderson: That is hard cuz some kids here have never been, had any freedom at all to go out and make any choices at all. And they can either completely go wild. and go out and make a lot of poor choices, or they just sit in the room.

But there's enough people here that you find your own friend group is the term. Now it's not. I have friends, I have a friend group, and you usually find people that have the same likes and interests and things you do and if you have. Nerdy interest, and you're not one that likes to go out and do this stuff.

There's gonna be a group of others that like the same thing and they find each other. The ones that want to go out and play sports and stuff, they find each other. The ones that wanna read or have something else, they, they tend to find their own group of friends. There's very few people that seem to be left out, but they're always are a few that just don't seem to fit in.

And that's something I've always wondered about what to do about, because there's. , they just don't fit at all. And I don't know what to do about that. It's very hard to, for some people, to make a friend group or to make friends. Is that, 

Scott Beyer: is that the hardest problem when the, that you run into? I think 

Rene Anderson: Cause some of them are very good kids and very nice kids, but they just are socially awkward. They don't know how to fit in with people. They don't know how to react when people talk to 'em and. That's a hard thing to teach when you're already almost 20 years old and you haven't learned some of those things to begin with.

It's very hard. Some work it out and some just never do. You try and you try to be welcome to have everybody come in. Our door's always open. They can come in, anytime they want, and usually during the week between 10 30 and 1130, she makes grilled cheese sandwiches and we have snacks in here for them.

And then on the weekends it's 1130 to 1230. So between the last two or three hours of the night, at least a hundred will probably have been in here that night. And they come in and they sit down on the couch and they talk. And then sometimes they'll wait till everybody's gone and they'll come back and and talk and you just sit down and visit And.

What their problem is or what's going on for the day. 

Scott Beyer: you got, You got a whole, I don't know how many coins you have back there, but on the shelf behind you, there's all this row of coins. Can you tell me 

Rene Anderson: a little bit about that? Every year, each person that graduates with a four year degree gets two coins. One they get to keep and one they give to somebody that meant the most to 'em when they were here, and those.

Probably my most priced possessions. Yes. How many do you have at this point? There's probably about 20 or so, I don't know. So you and every one of them was somebody that was was very spec, some of them you think? Yeah. There was one boy that pulled so many things and did so much wrong. I told him not only.

am I glad you gave it to me. I expected it and I deserved it because of what all you did . And him and I are still, he goes to he worships with us at university and he's there now. The year right after he gave me that. And he said, when I graduate, he said, I'm gonna take you and mama d out to dinner.

He said, because you caught me doing so many. and now I'm gonna tell you all the things you didn't catch me doing . And he's one that gave me his coin. And it means a lot because you know that they, that you've maybe done something to, have an influence on them of some kind.

Scott Beyer: What's the hardest part about the job? 

Rene Anderson: When somebody gets in trouble and they have to go home, that's it's hard talking to the parents and. telling them, your son did this. And then the dean, they say, I said, my job's not that hard. I said, I'm the policeman. The dean is the judge and jury.

And I just turn it in. And then he does. And the discipline committee does what they want. But when you find him doing something that's really bad. If you find him drinking in the room or doing drugs or something and they go, they're pretty much automatically sent home and stuff. And some of them's parents and.

It's just, it's heartbreaking to have to tell the parents, your son was caught doing this, and he's gonna have to go home and you see the regret they have. Some of them are just crying and saying, I was so stupid. I walked into a room one night and a boy, soon as he looked at me, he just said, I've just been really stupid, was the first words out of his mouth.

Our children are both adopted too, like most of yours are. And. We have a daughter that is a complete joy and delight and her kids are, and then we have a son that has been pretty much total heartbreak the whole time we had him. It just never was something. So I think that helps us to be able to say, because when our son first started having problems, I said, we don't have any business being here.

We shouldn't be around telling other people's kids what to do when ours didn't turn out the way that it should. And but now I. , it helps you to understand. I can say, I have a son that did the same thing, or something like that, that I understand what you're going through. It's not that you didn't try to teach him, it's just he didn't pay attention.

It happens in every family, and I think it helps keep you humble too. Sometimes I think my kids would never do that. That's not necessarily true because sometimes your kids will do that even when you think they won't. Yeah. Okay. Tell me about, 

Scott Beyer: Because I've heard you use ASA so many times.

Tell me about ASA and the boys. 

Rene Anderson: They get mad and tired of hearing it because they say there are so many biblical examples. Why is AZA your favorite Bible character? I say, cause it works in every situation. When they come in late, they say, I was only 10 minutes late. And I said, how long did AZA have his hand on the arc?

Or they did something? I only did it. I said, how many times the does a touch the arc? And they say, yeah, but you can't strike me dead. And I said, you don't know how I wish I could. I said, this place would be so much better if I could just point my finger and get rid of the ones that are causing trouble like that.

And, but that's just the example I picked. Always choose that as a is you can work it. Just about any situation. How long did he do it? Or only once or, cause it's not wrong if you only do it once or if you only do it for a short time, it's okay. But I say Za didn't find that. I just said, what did Za say?

I said, oh, he didn't say anything. He was struck dead. . And, 

Scott Beyer: and do they, like when you use as a, does that work the first time or is it, or do they 

Rene Anderson: roll their eyes at you or they do they say, not that again, It, I think the point gets across, it's wrong one time. It's, 10 times it's still wrong that you did it the first time.

 And you have to pay the consequences, and some things aren't. So there are things that are worse than others and there's stricter punishment than others. But you just always use, I only did it once, is annoying because, you do one thing once and it's still wrong. You never to do it once. , 

Scott Beyer: that, and that's a very. Teenage guy thing to think is, I'll only do it once and this isn't going to become a lifestyle. Yeah. But Aza is the, it was his lifestyle. Yeah. His 

Rene Anderson: life was done. He only did it once. He only did it once and that's all it took, yeah. So that's why US is the favorite Bible example, 

Scott Beyer: what does a Christian man look like? 

Rene Anderson: every different thing you can think of. There are some that are the ones that are always up leading the singing, doing the talk, and being the kind of spiritual leaders. And there are others that sit in the background and you find out things that they did and you think, wow, I never knew he did stuff like that, or, I never knew he was involved in helping this person out, or something like that.

And they don't talk about it, or you never hear about it. They look. like everybody else, it's just everybody has different talents and abilities. I'm not one that likes to be up in, in front. When we were first in school here, I played guitar and sang a little bit and I'd get up on the stage and I'd do that.

And when I look back on it, I think you shouldn't have done that cuz it wasn't all that good to begin with. And I don't like to do it at all now. And I'm not particularly one that likes to be up in front leading the crowd or anything. I lead singing. You get up there and you do it, and I have a strong voice, so I can do that, but everybody's singing with you.

But when I get up, just me, I get more nervous as the years go along. I'm not comfortable being up in front one-on-one. I can talk to most anybody, but in front of a group. It's it's very hard for me and getting harder all the time to be up like that. I don't enjoy it at all.

Scott Beyer: When you think about, and I know you think about it because you talk about it as being the worst day, the day that you finish here. Yeah. Whenever that will be. What do you want to have done with the time? What do you want them to say about 

Rene Anderson: you? I told you. kinda like to go off in the in the woodwork and not have 'em say anything because I don't enjoy that.

A whole lot. Yeah. But I would like to think that I that I was fair and that I tried to be a good example to him. And the time is coming soon that will probably be leaving and it will be the saddest day of my life. And I worry that. I'm just going to leave and sit down and die because I won't have things that I have to constantly do.

You're here. You never know what the next day is gonna be like. And I enjoy that. Every day I get up, I don't keep a calendar, I just say, Dee, what do I have to do today? And she tells me, okay, today you have a meeting here, or you have to do this, or you're going here, and all that stuff.

And if I don't have that, I worry how I'm going to handle it. , you have to be reasonably healthy, to be here and you have to be reasonably sharp. And I can see that you start slowing down when you get older and you can't can't always do all the same things, and 

There's time for somebody young to come in and I'm sure somebody else will come in, and I just hope they have half the experience that I did, and I'm just thankful that I have a wife that has been a hundred percent behind me in it.

She's just been, she's just a mother to all of them, and she is just, So patient and she stands there and makes grilled cheese sandwiches every single night for an hour in the summertime. She's so happy that she doesn't have to do it. And, but I mean she probably has five or 6,000 a year at least, that she does.

And she does it every night and there's, at the beginning of the year, it starts out maybe being a hundred or so a night, and then it slows down now cuz they. putting on the freshman 15 pounds and all that stuff that they cut back That it gets down to about 30 or so at night now, and it's easier cuz you can stand and talk and visit while she's doing it.

It's not like you're standing there just trying to get it done. Yeah. But I hope that we will have been some kind of an influence on people when we see people come. The guy who spoke at lectures tonight, I was his camp counselor for three or four years, and him and I were very close, and I just see how he's grown and the family he has and all those things.

It just makes you. Feel good inside. We had a boy here once that was very socially awkward. He was not very clean. He looked dirty all the time, and he walked around with a black armband on and he painted his fingernails black and walked with his head down and I said . What's wrong? Aren't you happy here?

He said, no, but I've never been happy anywhere else. So why does it make a difference? And he was only gonna stay one year and he ended up staying four. And he got involved in the debate and forensics team and got into speech and he started taking Bible classes and he decided he would preach and he started cleaning himself up and he started.

Having kind of a presence. And we were traveling across the country one time and I knew the town he was preaching in and we didn't know if we'd have time, but we did. So we stopped to see him and we pulled up, I didn't know where he lived, but we pulled up at the church building and I said, is this person here?

And she said, yes, that's our preacher and we just love him. She said, he does this and he does that. And then I finally called and talked to him and I said, you don't know how this makes me feel. I said, because you. Completely, just almost worthless. You didn't have any interest in anybody or anything, and to hear people say things like that about you now I said that is a true success story right there, that you have come from not being happy about anything to being able to make other people happy.

I said, I think that's quite a turnaround. We even made a plaque like to give him when he graduated because I thought he had improved the most of any, anyone ever probably. and he's had kids come to school here since too wow. He's, that was a while ago. And when you go across the country and you see 'em, when you attend services at other congregations and things like that and you run into 'em, it's always nice.

And they have kids and they're faithful and they're taking a leadership part in the congregation, it, it makes you feel really good and I just hope that something will come of all that, I don't know. Just have to wait and see. time will be the judge of that. , 

 You've mentioned 

Scott Beyer: Dee several times and she is the unspoken person in this Yes.

Dynamic duo that is the two of you? Yeah. What sort of influence have you seen her have 

Rene Anderson: on the boys? Lots of times she can, when I'm not here, some guys will come in and talk to her. Cause sometimes you'd rather talk to a mother figure than a father figure. There's some things that you just want advice on for something.

I've seen her, and then some of the girls do come over too because, Different people relate to different people. Not everybody is going to relate to me, but they might relate to one of the other dorm parents and they talk and that's fine. That's why we all have different uh, personalities.

There's some boys that I'm just so close to that they are like a son and there's others that I really don't get to know. We don't have a whole lot of things in common or something. And it so it takes a lot of different people and I think she fills up some of that too. She's not quite as, Rough around the edges, maybe as I am or something.

Maybe a little easier to talk to or something. Yeah. Some of '

Scott Beyer: em will listen to her when they won't listen to you, or vice versa. Yeah, 

Rene Anderson: yeah. Yeah. And she's very good at doing something like that. Yeah. 

Scott Beyer: In regards to marriage and how much of an influence, d is in your life and you see these guys at the stage where they're thinking about marriage.

They're not married yet, but they're thinking about it. What advice do you give to a young man when in looking for a mate? 

Rene Anderson: I think Dee said her dad used to always tell her that You need to find somebody that loves the Lord more than he loves you and you won't have any problems and. I don't know if that's completely true.

You can still have some problems, but I think that's a pretty good start, that if you both have the same goal and the same values to head there, that you're gonna be all right. Like I told you, my family has done. , most everything wrong as far as marriage goes. My parents knew each other two weeks when they got married, my dad walked into a snack bar and met my mother and they got married and Dee was the first girl I met on Florida College campus.

And we got married at the end of the first year. Didn't have a job, didn't have a place to live, didn't have any money. And my parents gave us an apartment with the first month's rent and her parents gave us a credit card to use to get back from Arizona where she was from to here. And we had some wedding presents.

we were down to $8 and no job. And finally I got a job and somehow we survived through it. And my daughter did the same thing. We actually met him on a vacation and just really thought he was a fine guy. And he says actually I'm engaged, but I'm breaking it off tomorrow because she's not a Christian.

And he said, I just wish I could meet a nice Christian girl. And I jokingly said, I wish you could meet my daughter, which I can't believe I said. And. If we came back to church that night and he said, can I have her phone number? And I thought what have I done now? And he started calling her and they talked for maybe two months.

And then he asked if he could come down here to meet her. And he got here on a Saturday morning and the next Saturday morning they were engaged and about seven or eight months later, they were married.

My parents were married 64 years and they never spent a night apart. And I thought that was. Because when we got married, I said you don't go off. I don't go off. We just, and I realized that not very easy to do with today's lifestyles. Sometimes you have to go off and, but the only time she did was when son was a problem in her family or, one of her parents were sick or had died or something.

She went, we'd been apart very seldom. They almost never have to do that, and that works for us. I don't know if it works. Everybody, some people might need to have a break, I don't know. But being here together 24 hours a day, somehow we've made it and she's a very a very patient woman, , and that's how it works.

Find somebody that's a lot more patient than you are. , . I 

Scott Beyer: think that's one of the reasons that you and I have always gotten along is I got. To, to my wife, Jenna, a month out of high school, which is not what I recommend to people. 

Rene Anderson: No, I say that's not, I'm not saying that's what you do.

But, 

Scott Beyer: but we both love the Lord. And we understood divorce isn't an option. You may feel like murdering each other some days, but you hang in there and you learn. And then we grew together. We were kids. Really. And you grow up together. You grew up together. You do. And we're the same way.

We don't do a whole lot of part and. , that's other people I know do differently. But there's something I think that happens when you do spend so much time together. Yeah. 

Rene Anderson: Yeah. I think very much 

Scott Beyer: yeah. And Jenna's much more patient than me, too. , 

Rene Anderson: What have I missed? I think that's probably about it. I don't know. Okay. It has been a, it has been a wonderful trip and I'm dreading the end of it.

I can say that, but I can see that it's, it's coming. Yeah. 

Scott Beyer: I don't think you're the only one who will dread that when that day comes. Appreciate that. So I think there's a lot of young men who have been deeply influenced by you 

Rene Anderson: and d thank you. I appreciate that very much. It's been the greatest blessing in life to be able to do this.

And I have I just can't imagine that it ever would've turned out like this that we would've been able to experience all. all these things and meet all the people that we've got to meet and to be around and to meet the second generation like we have is need to, hoping we might get a third generation before we leave, but I don't know that'll happen.

Scott Beyer: Yeah. God is good. Yeah, sure is. Sometimes takes our life directions we never thought would 

Rene Anderson: happen. Never was even have thought of this. Yeah. Looking back though, it was we've been blessed. We have very. . 

Scott Beyer: Okay. Thank you. I know you got a bunch of boys coming in. Yeah. Probably in just a couple of minutes.

Rene Anderson: Yeah. She's probably out there getting ready right now. The rowdy's gonna start? Yeah.