An all-right golfer, a couple Canadian Mulligans, and the beauty of second chances.
This week, we take a look at the power of trying again and how it can help us be better at love.
"Remember, you are loved, so go, love better!"
New episodes drop on Tuesdays.
An all-right golfer, a couple Canadian Mulligans, and the beauty of second chances.
This week, we take a look at the power of trying again and how it can help us be better at love.
"Remember, you are loved, so go, love better!"
New episodes drop on Tuesdays.
Charlie Vettiner golf course is a public municipal course in Jefferstown, KY. The course opened in 1977 and over the last 46 years the course has been surrounded by suburbia, so much so that the drive to the course could just as easily be construed with a trip to a friend’s house as a journey to the local links. If you take a right off Billtown Rd, wend your way thirteen houses down on the left and you’ll be there.
The online description for Charlie Vettiner describes it as “a gorgeous golf course with rolling hills, bent grass greens, and zoysia fairways. If the 50 white sand bunkers and tree-lined fairways aren’t enough to get your attention, how about the creek that meanders through several holes, with ponds on #5, #14 and #18?”
It sounds beautiful, and I had high hopes when I arrived there early last week with the dew upon the ground and a mist still on the treetops. I’d come to play with my son-in-law and to enjoy an idyllic walk along those zoysia fairways and rolling hills all while casually propelling a tiny white ball along toward its home.
To this day, I can’t tell you whether the description of Charlie Vettiner is accurate or not. I’m pretty sure I found the meandering creek and all three ponds, Somewhere in its nautical paradise, a bluegill is hopefully enjoying the ambience of my golf ball as an accessory to its home decor… but as for the rest of the course, I only saw the woods on each hole – specifically the woods on the right side. I’m an all right golfer – literally, my ball never goes straight or left. And with my all right skill set, I often found myself hitting what the USGA calls, “a provisional ball” – you probably know it by its less technical name - “a mulligan”. I hate golf, but I LOVE mulligans… and I take a lot of them.
I’m Scott Beyer and this is the Love Better podcast where we explore the truths and lies about love and more importantly how to turn love into a skill – something we can get better at and hone along the way.
In golf, there are no legal do-overs. Technically speaking, even a provisional ball requires penalty strokes to be legally used, but the mulligan is something else entirely.
In his book, the Historical Dictionary of Golfing Terms: From 1500 to the Present, author Peter Davies describes the ‘Mulligan’ as ‘permission by a player (forbidden under the rules) to an opponent to replay a misplayed shot, especially a tee-shot.’
The etymology of the term ‘mulligan’ is fascinating and can be traced back to two men… but we will talk about the Misters Mulligan later. For now, this is what you need to know. A ‘mulligan’ is illegal. There is no room in the rules for redo’s. A mulligan requires permission from your golf buddies. It is a clear violation of the rules that is accepted because the folks you are swinging the club with are your friends. They know what it is like to miss a tee shot to infinity and beyond… and out of the kindness of their compassionate hearts they offer you a second chance to make the same horrible shot twice.
In a casual game of golf – a ‘mulligan’ is an act of grace – I’ve made bad shots before, so I am giving you permission to fail and try again, too… which sure sounds like a better round of golf and a way to love better, too. It might not be legal, but is the mulligan, biblical?
I think so. Consider some examples of mulligans in the Bible. The conversion of Paul, the great persecutor of Christianity. Paul had a dramatic encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus which led to his conversion. Jesus called Paul on his sinful ways and yet gave him a significant second chance… a shot at life that Paul didn’t waste.
Or Jesus’ forgiveness of the woman caught in adultery in John 8 – though the people didn’t have the legal right to put her to death since know witnesses were there to cast the first stone, Jesus knew she had committed adultery and His words to her were “Go and sin no more.” She got a mulligan.
Or what about Samson? His strength returned when he asked God for it one last time – even though Samson had failed and fallen for the tricks of Delilah. Or what about Peter’s denial of Jesus – three mulligans there, but Jesus prayed that Peter would “return to Him” after those denials.
And time would fail us to talk about the mulligan love offered to the thief on the cross, Rahab the harlot, David the adulterer, Zacchaeus the tax collector, Onesimus the runaway, or Manasseh the abortionist. The Bible is packed with mulligans – and every single one of them is illegal, gracious, but illegal.
So, how does a righteous God who believes in fair and just behavior allow mulligans? Isn’t that unfair? Isn’t that showing partiality? Romans provides us some insight into this question of fairplay and second chances. How can God do something as illegal as offering mulligans?
Romans 3 provides the answer:
“But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it-- the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” (Romans 3:21-26)
God’s answer is that mulligans are expensive. The only way that a just God can offer second chances is by paying for the consequences himself. Specifically, Jesus’ death on the cross pays for the eternal consequences of Peter’s denial, Paul’s persecution, Rahab’s harlotry, David’s adultery, Samson’s weakness… and every other sin. This is why salvation is only available through Jesus – only Jesus has paid a price high enough to afford to offer eternal mulligans. We need His permission and grace for those kinds of second chances.
However, not all mulligans are eternal ones. You can offer a second chance by covering the cost of a sin against you. Overlooking someone’s hurtful comment, showing patience with others while they grow and fail in the process of growth, forgiving a debt, or let go of bitterness against one who has wronged or neglected us. You can’t offer eternal mulligans like Jesus, but you definitely can offer interpersonal ones.
And that is the point of the parable Jesus told of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18. The king forgave the servant ten thousand talents of debt – the equivalent of over 150 million dollars. This servant owed a debt that couldn’t be paid back in a hundred lifetimes… and the king forgave him. He gave him a mulligan. And when that man found a man who owed him enough money to buy a used mid-size sedan… he failed to offer the same forgiveness to him. The lesson? God loves us enough to give mulligans, so we must love enough to offer them. Love believes in second chances. Love permits do overs.
Which leads us back to the Misters Mulligan. In true mulligan style, the term comes from one of two men. David Mulligan of 1920’s Canada… or if that doesn’t work, it comes from Buddy Mulligan of 1930’s New York. If it isn’t an Irish Canadian, just take a mulligan, and pivot to a Canadian New Yorker.
Let’s start with David Bernard Mulligan of Canada. As the story goes, David had a regular foursome he played with, and one day, at the St. Lambert Country Club in Montreal, arrived late and feeling rushed made a bad first shot, bent down, teed up another, and tried again. He called it a ‘correction shot’… his buddies allowed it, but forever referred to it as ‘a Mulligan’ from that day forward and it became a tradition that if you got rattled on the first tee, you can take a mulligan and try again.
The second mulligan is similar, but different. Buddy Mulligan was a locker room attendant at the Essex Fells Country Club in New Jersey. After work, he would join two of his friends, members of the club, for a round of golf… a round which they decided to bet on. Buddy Mulligan’s friends, Des Sullivan and assistant pro Dave O’Connell were very good golfers and had been practicing all day. Buddy had not, he’d been working… and so when Buddy made a mishit, he asked for a redo and they allowed it. They coined it a Mulligan from that day forward in memory of the friend they loved who didn’t have as much experience.
Both stories touch on the same idea – compassion for a friend who lacked experience or who in a moment of rattled nerves made a poor decision with a poor outcome. That’s a mulligan moment. A careless word said rashly in the heat of the moment. A neglect for others’ feelings through distraction or a difficult day. Inexperience that leads to foolish choices or promises broken. When these moments are not just forgiven, but overlooked… that’s mulligan love.
Proverbs describes it this way in chapter 19 verse 11 “A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.”
Learning to give mulligans isn’t easy because it will cost you something. It requires patience (which costs you time) or being slow to anger or get frustrated (which costs you emotional energy) or it might even cost you actual money. Mulligans mean accepting an injustice against yourself because you believe in the person, even if you don’t believe what they did was right. Mulligans believe in the ability of people to change – mulligan love believes in people.
And mulligans also give people permission to try and fail. In life, if you can’t fail, you often don’t even try. Fear of failure is such a real thing that many people don’t even begin. We call it analysis paralysis. What happens when I think about the thing to say, but never say anything because I’m afraid I might say it wrong? If you are so afraid of failure that you never take a swing at life, you will find yourself missing out on opportunities, relationships, experiences… and even missing out on heaven. When Jesus tells people to not put their light under a basket… that’s what he is talking about. If we are too afraid to acknowledge our faith publicly, we put a basket over our light and try and hide. Don’t do that. Speak boldly, live fully, don’t accept mediocrity or allow anxiety to define your life. Sometimes you need to give yourself permission to take a mulligan, too.
Mulligans allow us the opportunity to improve. If I have opportunity to fail, then I also have the opportunity to get better… and that is what we are trying to do. We are trying to love better and mulligans help provide an opportunity for you to do that, and they also provide an opportunity for others to get better along the way, too.
Love gives permission to fail and try again. So, give those chances to your kids. Give those chances to your spouse. Give those chances to your fellow Christians and the congregation. Give those chances to the elders in the church. And cut yourself some slack, too. Freely offer mulligans because Jesus freely offers them to you.
Learn to love better… learn to permit mulligans.
And by the way, thanks for the grace to offer me a mulligan this week, too. I had planned on only skipping one week while I was out of town in Florida with the saints in Lakeland, FL, but one week turned into two when I came home and found myself behind on a lot of things that needed pressing attention.
The travel season continues as this week, I’m in Wellsburg, West Virginia with the Christians at the Wellsburg church of Christ. We will be here every night through Friday, October 13th, talking about Jesus and focusing our hearts and minds on His Word. If you are in the area, I’d love to see you. It would be a blessing to me, and I can guarantee you the Christians here in Wellsburg would be a blessing to you.
Otherwise, until next time, “Remember, you are loved, so go… love better.”