Love's Arrival

The hero of two worlds, the three friends of one, and the US entrance to the Great War.

Today, love arrives.  No plan, just a whole lot of sympathy.

"Remember, you are loved, so go, love better!"

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Transcript

In 1917, the United States enter the war – the Great War – WW1.  A land, air, and sea conflict so terrible that it left over 8 million soldiers dead and another 7 million civilians.  By the time it was done, more than 16 million people would have died at the hands of chemical warfare, German U-boats, and trench combat.  The Great War began in 1914 with the assassination of an Austrian archduke – and initially as the Allied Powers made up of Great Britain, France, Russia, Italy, Romania, Canada, and Japan fought the Central Powers of Germany, Austria-Hungary, Bulgaria, and the Ottoman Empire – the US remained neutral.  Separated by an ocean, the United States watched from a distance as the carnage unfolded.  They had every reason to stay on their side of the shore, but a growing belief that they should arrive on the scene…and today, I want to talk about one of the reasons the US entered World War 1.  His name was Gilbert du Motier.  

I’m Scott Beyer and this is the Love Better podcast where we explore the truths and lies about love and more importantly how to turn love into a skill – something we can get better at and hone along the way.

Most Americans know him by his title - Marquise de Lafayette – and he had been dead for 83 years… but his grave was one of the first stops for US troops as they entered the War.

In the cemetery of Picpus in the city of Paris, lies the grave of Marquise de Lafayette.  His parents were French, his grandparents were French, and his descendants were French.  He grew up in an aristocratic home marked by privilege and comfort.  Tragically, his father died when he was two and his mother when he was just twelve.  Following his mother's death, he inherited a considerable fortune, which further elevated his status and provided him with financial security.  Yet, Lafayette became enamored with the American colonies and their war for independence.  He was convinced of the justness of their cause and even with the distance, felt drawn to them.  So, at the age of 19, at his own expense – Lafayette showed up.  He arrived in America, fought in the American Revolution, befriended George Washington, co-wrote a book with Thomas Jefferson, and then went home to France to secure French support for the American Revolution, which by the way, played a crucial role in America becoming… America.  In short, Lafayette may not be American, but he helped make America.  Which is why that grave in the Picpus cemetery may lie in Paris, but he is buried in soil from Bunker Hill and Lexington.  Nobody asked Lafayette to get involved – nobody expected it either – Lafayette just arrived one day because he loved what those ragtag anti-British colonists were trying to build.  Sometimes, love just looks like showing up.

I’m fascinated by Marquis de Lafayette because he is such an unconventional hero.  He didn’t have a plan, he didn’t even really know where to start – he just arrives on the scene with a sympathizing heart for the cause of US Independence.  And his arrival led to a connection between the US and the French that spanned all the way into World War 1.  I feel like there is a lesson about love in all that.

Lafayette is a great reminder that love can’t sit on the comfortable sidelines and talk about how much it cares.  Real love has to arrive, at its own expense, and be counted.  Even if it doesn’t know what it is going to do when it arrives.  Today, we are going to talk about how real love arrives in the dark times.  If we want to love better, we need to show up in the gloaming of people’s lives, not just for the highlight reel.  Lafayette wasn’t the only French aristocrat to say he loved America and sympathized with the cause of the colonists, but by all accounts, he is the only one who showed up.

And this is a biblical idea. If you really want to understand what love arriving looks like – we’ve got to go to the book of Job and look at three men – Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar.

In the Bible, the book of Job is named after the man it is about – Job.  Job was a wealthy, but righteous man.  Good family, kind heart, successful entrepreneur, and a consummate philanthropist – Job is the type of man that comes along once in a generation.  He was the kind of man that made you proud to be a human – the best version of what we can be if we apply our strength and our character to the task of living.

And then suddenly, it’s all gone.  Job’s wealth, his children, and even his health evaporate at the hands of Satan.  This man that helped so many is now alone – even his wife is alienated from him – swallowed in her own grief and loss.  Former employees, friends, and kin just avert their eyes and avoid him.  Job’s suffering consumes him, but the world just flows around him and his loss like a rock in the river of time.  Everyone just passes by… everyone that is, but Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar.  Here is what the book of Job records:

[Job 2:11-13 NASB95] 11 Now when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, they came each one from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite; and they made an appointment together to come to sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. 13 Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that [his] pain was very great.

Now, I’m going to address this right up front – some of you who are more familiar with the book of Job are going to be thinking – wait a second, these guys were lousy friends.  Later on in the book they are going to argue with Job and upset him and he will even call them miserable comforters.  Yes, that’s true… but what they do wrong later doesn’t negate what they did right at first.  And before you are too hard on them, ask yourself, when was the last time you remained silent seven days to show solidarity for a friend?  Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar – they may blunder later on, but they get the first part right.

These three men heard of Job’s adversity, made an appointment, showed up, sympathized with him, and then sat with him in his pain.  And that is what I am going to argue love arriving looks like.

It takes five things:

1.    Hearing of adversity

2.    Make an Appointment

3.    Show up

4.    Sympathize & Understand

5.    Stay for the long haul

Let’s start with the first thing – they heard of Job’s adversity.  The likelihood is that these friends did not live close to Job.  They each came from “his own place” as the text says.  How easy would it have been for them to ignore the plights of their friend Job whose life was at a distance from their own.  In life, we have to have ears open to the trials of others.  To hear of adversity, we need to be listening for it.  Which is typically the exact opposite of what we do.  We like to change the subject when suffering comes up.  We move to another topic when we become uncomfortable and pain is uncomfortable. Typically when we realize another’s life is in distress, especially a distress that is complicated and not easily solved, in a sort of survivor’s guilt defense mechanism we avert our eyes and decide to stay in our own lane.  Nothing to see here, just keep moving.  But that isn’t what Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar do – they hear of his adversity because they are listening with love for him.

That’s step one.  Step two happens when they made an appointment.  An appointment is the difference between saying, “We should get together sometime” and “Let me get my calendar out – what day works for you to grab lunch?”  Appointments happen because you plan for them to happen.  There was an older Christian lady who used to tell me never to say “should” – if you “should” then you ought to just say “I will.”  Appointments make sure that your good intentions turn into realities.  These three men coordinated a time to go and visit Job – together.  They talked about their friend, they had conversations about how to best serve him and make a difference.  In the end, they didn’t know what needed to be done, but they knew they needed to actually be there to figure that out.  So they made an appointment.  I’m a big fan of calendars because a calendar makes me get specific.  What day? What time?  Where will we meet?  Need to spend more time with your spouse – make a date, put it on the calendar, and schedule it.  Keep forgetting to get those house projects done – put “Honey Do list” into a three-hour block for next week.  Again, appointments happen, wishes rarely do.

 Which leads us to the third aspect of love arrives.  They actually showed up.  No excuses.  No last-minute procrastinations.  No delays.  As Jesus tells us to, with these men their ‘Yes’ was ‘Yes’.  They committed to go and they followed through.  When there is something as uncomfortable as going to a funeral, visiting someone in the hospital, or having a difficult conversation on your to-do list your brain will happily trick you into doing anything else.  That’s the story of the men that gave excuses in Luke 14:16-20.  Listen to Jesus explain the types of excuses people give.

[Luk 14:16-20 NASB95] 16 But He said to him, "A man was giving a big dinner, and he invited many; 17 and at the dinner hour he sent his slave to say to those who had been invited, 'Come; for everything is ready now.' 18 "But they all alike began to make excuses. The first one said to him, 'I have bought a piece of land and I need to go out and look at it; please consider me excused.' 19 "Another one said, 'I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to try them out; please consider me excused.' 20 "Another one said, 'I have married a wife, and for that reason I cannot come.'

Have you ever made an excuse to try and avoid a big dinner party?  If you are an introvert, there is nothing more satisfying than cancelling a big party!  Any excuse will work.  I can’t go to this dinner party because I’m married (hmmm, maybe bring her?).  I can’t go to this dinner because I bought some land and have to look at it?  (Seriously, the land isn’t going anywhere – you made a commitment!)

The thing we have to realize is that we tend to sabotage difficult commitments with bad excuses to make us feel better about cancelling what we really don’t want to do… but just because you don’t want to do something doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be done.  Do you think Job wanted to be alone in his suffering? Do you think Job wanted his children to die, his wealth to be destroyed, and his body to be covered in boils – of course not!  So what if I’m uncomfortable – show up.  Job’s friends did, and we need to also.

Which brings me to the fourth thing that Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar did – they showed up and then they sympathized and tried to understand.  These men saw Job in the dust and dressed in rags – so you know what they did.  They threw dust on their own heads and tore their robes, too.  The Hebrew in this passage is interesting – Job’s friends made an appointment to “be shaken” with Job.  The Hebrew word used means “to be moved or shaken”.  It is as if his friends had no idea what Job was going through, but they were willing to be there in his pain with him.  In fact, that plan worked really well up until the point they started trying to solve Job’s problems by giving him advice.  Job didn’t need advice – advice made them miserable comforters.  He needed sympathizers, not counselors.  Don’t offer advice – just show up.  As a general rule, if they want advice, they will ask for it.  Arrive to sympathize and comfort, not fix and control.  It is an easy mistake to make, but beware of the danger.  Sympathy doesn’t require answers.

And with those four things under your belt.  Let me bring you to the fifth and final element of what love arrives looks like.  Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar showed up for the long haul.  Let me take you back again to their arrival.

“Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that [his] pain was very great.”

These men made the journey and then they stayed put through the awkward silence.  I don’t know about you, but I hate awkward silence.  I will fill it unless I force myself not to.  And that is what I’m asking you to do.  I’m asking you to force yourself to sit quietly through the silence sometimes.  These three men did it for seven days – I doubt it will take you that long… but silence pays dividends.  Silence shows commitment.  Silence opens the door for listening.  And being prepared to show up and stay makes you better.

How does love arrive?

1.    It hears of adversity because it is listening for the pain

2.    Love makes an appointment, it doesn’t just send well wishes

3.    Love follows through by actually showing up and not making excuses

4.    Love sympathizes and comforts, it doesn’t have to fix it, it just needs to be there

5.    And love stays for the long haul – even through the awkward silences.

And the kind of love that arrives on the scene like that can change the world.  Remember how we started this whole episode?  1915, The US entering the Great War.  Well, here’s the rest of the story.  Remember how I said the US military made Lafayette’s grave one of their first stops when they entered the Great War?  Yeah, turns at the G.I. Joe’s arrived, too.  They arrived at his grave, struck a salute, and said, “Lafayette, we are here.”  Seriously, there is something powerful about one man crossing an ocean to join an army only to have that army cross an ocean a hundred years later to join him and his people.  Which is where Lafayette gets his nickname from “The Hero of Two Worlds”.  Marquise de Lafayette just kept showing up.  He arrived and the French and American world was forever changed by it.

And that’s my advice to you.  Just arrive at the moments in people’s lives when they are facing adversity and you have no idea what sort of impact you will make.  You don’t need a plan for what to do, you just need a plan to show up.

Love better – love arrives

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And until next time, “Remember, you are loved, so go… love better.”