Love Detours

What does love have to do with traffic jams, grocery store aisles, and the French etymology of English words?  It's all about the detour.

In this episode we discuss taking the long way round.  Sometimes life doesn't take the most efficient route.  Why is that?

Let's love better - let's learn to love the detour.

"Remember, you are loved, so go, love better!"

New episodes drop on Tuesdays.

Transcript

In 1738, the English language received a new word… and they got it from the French.  They stole it because they needed, and they needed it because their roads were awful.

I’m Scott Beyer and this is the Love Better podcast where we explore the truths and lies about love and more importantly how to turn love into a skill – something we can get better at and hone.

Until the 17 and 1800’s roads in most all of England, especially rural England, were a ramshackle affair.  There wasn’t yet an industrialized system for building roads, nor were roads controlled by the larger governmental bodies – most roads were still privately made and maintained by local counties or parishes and they varied greatly in their level of repair or more often than not disrepair.  Roads were a problem.  You never knew when they were going to wash out, become impassable, or be blocked by cattle.  Even main roads were hard to trust with certainty – you never knew when you would have to find a small side road to turn off on, or take a scenic roundabout circuit in order to get to your destination.  From point A to point B, often required traveling through roads C, D, and E.  Hence the introduction of a new word borrowed from their French neighbors – a word that meant to take a side road or evade an impasse – the word that we now lovingly use to avoid traffic jams and even take the scenic route is ‘detour’.

We take a detour when the shortest route is no longer the right route.  It may not get you there as quickly but you won’t be stuck behind a flock of sheep for the next ten mile markers either.

Detours are such an important part of city life that every single major metropolis has staff dedicated to detours in their planning and development department.  Detours for road construction, detours for traffic backups, and detours for unplanned closures due to accidents.  Cities that are well-designed typically offer multiple ways to get around the city so as to avoid the one-way in and one-way out bottlenecks that lead to traffic jams for miles during morning and evening commutes.  If you’ve ever lived or worked in Boston, DC, Chicago, L.A., or Seattle… you know exactly why detour planning would have been an excellent idea for them!

You even feel the effect of detours when you walk into the grocery store.  Ever notice that you end up picking up a lot of unplanned items along your way to that gallon of milk in the back of the store?  Walmart, Kroger, Target, and every other big box store loves to take you on detours past all the other shiny things you might want to buy before they take you to the essentials you planned to take home.

However, detours aren’t all bad.  Detours also mean taking the scenic route.  Sometimes a spontaneous detour leads you to a new favorite restaurant or a chance to slow down and enjoy the moment, feed the ducks in the park, or watch your kids be, well, kids.  Some of my favorite memories are detours!  A buddy of mine once detoured my day to go and watch him audition for a play – ended up meeting my wife.  Great detour!

            I’m fascinated by detours.  Detours exist everywhere!  I’m fascinated by how often they show up in our lives – pretty much every day starts out with one plan, but ends up turning out entirely different. Every day is a detour and that’s great because where would the fun be if we knew exactly how everything was going to happen ahead of time.

            Detours aren’t just part of life, they are part of the Bible, too.  One of the most famous detours of all time comes from the book of Exodus when God is leading the nation of Israel out of Egypt and into the promised land.  I quote from Exodus 13:17-18

"Now when Pharaoh had let the people go, God did not lead them by the way of the land of the Philistines, even though it was near; for God said, "The people might change their minds when they see war, and return to Egypt." Hence God led the people around by the way of the wilderness to the Red Sea; and the sons of Israel went up in martial array from the land of Egypt." (Exodus 13:17-18)

            I’ve never been fond of waiting, and I have yet to meet many that are.  I’m deeply impressed by those who have cultivated an ability to comfortably and contentedly wait for things to happen with patience because it has never been easy for me to do so.

            I prefer to get as quickly from one thing to another as I can.  I think most of us like to take the quickest route to our destination or wait in the shortest checkout line.  It feels efficient and productive to pursue the shortest distance between two points… but that is not what God does with Israel in Exodus 13.  God takes the long way round to the Promised Land.  The short route would be no problem for Him.  God isn’t afraid of the Philistine army, nor is He shaken by the terrors of war.  God is unfazed by such things.

            But Israel is not ready.  This nation is made up of slaves imbued with generational fear.  They bring with them a history of oppression and their wives and children.  They are not trained in war, nor have they reached the level of faith that would trust God to make the walls of Jericho fall and give them the victory.  This infant nation is immature and untested – a Philistine battle is too much.

            So God takes them the long way round and shows them His might.  He parts the Red Sea, He sweetens the waters of Meribah, He feeds them with manna, and disciplines them with the sign of the quail.  God leads them through wilderness until a generation arises that fears not Philistia.  It isn’t the shortest route, but it is the most compassionate.  It is the loving road.

            In his first letter to the Corinthian church, the apostle Paul tells them to face the trials and hardships of life with faith and confidence because (and I’m quoted from chapter 10 verse 13):   

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." (1Co 10:13-14 NASB95)

            What Paul is telling the Corinthians is the same thing that the long road through the Red Sea was telling the Israelites… God factors in our abilities, so that the only trials we face are ones that can be overcome.  He doesn’t seek our failure, but our success.  He is willing to take the long way round so we can learn what we need along the way.

So, what does that look like for you and I?  It is possible you are taking the long road right now in some area of your life.  Maybe you are stuck in a long waiting process for an undiagnosed illness – you know something is wrong, but appointment after appointment and test after test keeps coming back with inconclusive results.  That is really, really discouraging.  Why can’t somebody just give you some answers?

Or maybe you are stuck in the doldrums with your job.  You can’t just quit because your family is counting on you, bills need to be paid, and you remember reading those verses about how someone who won’t provide for his own is worse than an unbeliever and you take them seriously… but it just feels like your job is so unfulfilling and every attempt to get promoted or find a new job has been a dead end.  Why can’t a door of opportunity just open?

Or maybe you are in a cycle of parenting that feels unrelentingly hopeless.  The kids don’t seem to be improving no matter how hard you work at training, disciplining, and guiding them – they still are throwing tantrums or bursting into tears over homework or butting heads with you through the transition from youth to adulthood.  You are doing everything you know to do, but it seems like you are getting nowhere with your child.  Why can’t they just grow up?

Or maybe you are single and you hate it.  You’ve seen your friends and siblings grow up, meet their spouse, get married, and even start having children… and yet, you are still waiting for the right person to come along.  You’ve prayed about it.  You’ve tried to put yourself out there in healthy social situations, and still it just feels like you will always be alone.  Why can’t God just send Mr. or Mrs. Right along?

If any of those situations sound like you… you might just be on the long way round, and I’m sorry.  I don’t know the right answer, but I know that God is faithful and I know that oftentimes God takes longer than we want because He knows something that we don’t.  The reason I could give you those scenarios is because all of them have happened to God’s people along the way.  Remember the woman who touched the hem of Jesus’ garment – she dealt with a hemorrhage of blood for twelve years before God used her as a sign of faith.  Or how about Moses… he spent forty years as a shepherd before God gave him a better job!  Jacob struggled to raise his kids, but in the end, they turned into twelve tribes of people that followed God, and I can only imagine how alone Ruth felt most days, but God eventually sent her Boaz at the right time.

            The long road of love also means we have to be prepared to offer that to others, too.  Our spouses, our children, our friends, our neighbors, and even our enemies need our patience with them.  You might be ready for your kids to “figure it out”… but they might need more time and smaller milestones to make the progress you are hoping for.  Your spouse may take a little longer to warm up to new ideas or adventures than you… typically in a marriage one of you is going to be the gas and the other one is going to be the brakes… last time I checked I like my car to have both a gas and a brake pedal!

Which leads us back to detours.  Life is full of side roads and roundabouts.  Sometimes you have to hit the brakes to see the big picture and sometimes God is going to take longer to get you where you need to be so that you are ready for destination when you arrive.  That’s true with others also, everyone is on different detours and it is okay to be patient with each other while we grow.  Oftentimes the things you get too quickly are the things other Christians will take longer to understand, but the opposite is also true.  Love considers the other person and gives them time to grow and learn.

            One of my favorite examples of that is John Mark.  When John Mark left Paul and Barnabas halfway through their first journey, Paul was really not happy about it.  At least from Paul’s perspective, John Mark wasn’t worth trusting anymore.  He felt so strongly about it that it became a “sharp disagreement” between him and Barnabas when their second journey came along and Barnabas wanted to give John Mark a second shot at redemption.  Paul was having none of it.  John Mark had bailed on them early on and Paul wasn’t going to risk that happening again.  The Bible doesn’t tell us who was right and who was wrong in Paul and Barnabas’ argument – it just tells us that they fought over John Mark and ended up splitting up the best evangelism team in history because of it… but here is what I do know… in the very last letter that Paul would ever write, as he sat in a prison cell, an old man awaiting the death penalty for the faith in Jesus he had given his life too, he wrote these words:

“Only Luke is with me.  Pick up Mark and bring him with, for he is useful to me for service.” (2 Timothy 4:11)

I don’t know what detours John Mark’s life took, but I love that he took them.

Love better – love the detour.

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Until next time, “Remember, you are loved, so go… love better.”